
Both my parents came from a broken home. My mother’s dad left when she was 6 months old and she never saw him until she was sixteen. My father’s dad was an alcoholic and was never there. I mention this because my parents have been married for 43 years. They had broken homes, lived from pillar to post, but yet decided to have a meaningful marriage and family. I am proud of them for deciding to make it work. I agree that they are “real” men missing from the homes today. I don’t have a concrete reason why the divorce has climbed or why men don’t take more responsibility for their actions. I believe that a major problem with today’s society is that morality has become grey. There is no right or wrong, but only shades of grey. Examples: Marriage (the lack of commitment), homosexuality, abortion, pornography. Have all these been around for years? Yes. Only in the last twenty five years have these been socially accepted. The problem is when morality becomes grey, then nothing is right or wrong, but everything is ok. Not to get religious, but a passage from Romans (The Holy Bible) states,
“Professing to be wise, they became fools, (vs.22) Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lust of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, (vs. 24) Who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creator rather than the creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. (vs. 25) For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. (vs. 26) Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the women, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.(vs.27) And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debase mind, to do those things which are not fitting; (vs. 28) Being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immortality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness, they are whisperers. (vs. 29)
Many people want to use this passage against homosexuality, but it isn’t. This passage is about humanity allowing for the deterioration of moral boundaries. One of the biggest problems with “religious” people is that they want to pick and choose what is acceptable and what isn’t. The point I want to make is this: When humanity stops defining “definite” moral boundaries, then everything is acceptable. Mankind becomes their own god. Going back to your original post, when men don’t put their wife, family, or others first, but is only concerned about themselves then you have broken homes, you have men who cheat, you have men who don’t understand what sacrifice is for loved ones. Again, I believe that the deterioration of the family unit is directly proportionate o the deterioration of definite moral boundaries.
There is no doubt that the value of having a father in a home is irreplaceable. I view myself as an independent woman but I believe that I am that way because I had my father around to teach me the things mom could not. There is a connection that children have that is different from mother to father and both are non negotiable. “According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America –– one out of three –– live in homes where the biological father is absent. The absence of fathers in America’s homes has a direct impact on nearly all of the social issues facing America today, including well-documented increases in behavioral, emotional and psychological problems in children as well as dramatic increases in the costs of governmental assistance programs” (Crouse, 2012). Several children that have these issues only have them because they are trying to satisfy their unmet needs of not having a father around. With the increase in out-of-wedlock births and the facts that show how many of these families stay together, people should reconsider having children, it could put a stress on a family that is hard to mend. It is difficult to say negative things about families that do not stay together, because how fair is it to stay together for children if you are unhappy with each other. But as a woman in a mother role and a man in a father role, both have the options to stay around and take care of their own, this is the important thing.
As Sigmund Freud said many years ago, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection” (Crouse).
Crouse, J. S. (2012). The Inherent, irreplacable value of fathers. FoxNews.com
I think this is a very unfortunate situation. However, it does not surprise me, being an African American, this is something that has become a norm in our community, however just not to the extremity of this man with this many children. It makes me reflect to the Willie Lynch letters and if it hold truths of how the black community can become corrupt via removing the male from the household and the woman takes on the role. However on a larger scale outside of race, the trend of women making more money in the household is currently trending, 4 out of 10 women make the more than their spouse and this is currently inclining over the next 25 years. (Maxwell, 2012).
Maxwelll, Aerlina. “Women as Breadwinners? Nothing New for Black Folks.” EBONY. Ebony Magazine, 04 Apr. 2012. Web. 30 July 2012. .
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While I cannot agree that a child that is raised up in a home without a father is doomed for disaster I do agree they are affected by not having a father in the home. “Young men who grow up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail as those who come from traditional two-parent families…those boys whose fathers were absent from the household had double the odds of being incarcerated — even when other factors such as race, income, parent education and urban residence were held constant.” “Father Absence and Youth Incarceration.” Journal of Research on Adolescence 14 (September 2004): 369-397.) With statistics like these the world must realize the effect of missing a father has on a child and their development. Families need to consider these issues before making decisions on having children, adopting, or divorcing. The American society has got to the point where they feel they can just walk away, but they need to step up and take responsibility for their selves and their children.
Barbara,
Thanks for your contribution to this discussion.
Professor Green